So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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