Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
