she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
