Moan for me like Helen Keller
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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