When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
