I just saw a hot homeless man
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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