I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
