Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
