I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Can I color on your dick again?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
