im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
