So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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