I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
