Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Randomize
