I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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