dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
