Yo dont text me then not text me
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
