You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He better not be in your backpack
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
