So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I queefed so loud it echoed.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
