i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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