i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
