you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize