I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
