Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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