When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
