and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
