dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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