can u get pink eye on your cock?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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