i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
