cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
