Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
