this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
