We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
