Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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