I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
