the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
