OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
