i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
