And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
