dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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