One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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