I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
