He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
