If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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