Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
This baby is an asshole
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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