currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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