dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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