I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
