im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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