Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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