i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
