My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
