Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I think pants incapable of making pants work
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize