he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize