So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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