glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
