i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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