5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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