She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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