When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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