It was confusing and full of hummus
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize