We named our party play list daddy issues
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
