Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize