I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Randomize
