You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
