Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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