Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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