yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
