from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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