just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
