i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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