I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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