Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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