So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Michael Bay diarrhea
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
