Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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