I feel great
I just peed on a car
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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