So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
