so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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