im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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