youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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