i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
