Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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