My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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