She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
