My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
