Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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