Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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