she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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