im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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