I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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