Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I have demons in me.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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