Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
