I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
