Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
