yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
