Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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