You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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