who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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