I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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