I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
