I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
