i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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