I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
