Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
