I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
